Ashes to Ashes- 15th April

Thursday's ride had a certain element of Ground Hog Day about it as we set off towards Deadman's Cross via Clophill and Great Lane. This was more to do with the wish to benefit from a strong north easterly breeze on our return journey than a lack of imagination on the part of the route planners.

It seems the threat of damage to their jet engines from volcanic dust clouds grounded a number of our colleagues (now we know what makes Everton so quick); nevertheless six of us (Brian, Chris, Loren, Mick, John & Blunty) braved the Icelandic fall-out and set off down Abbey Lane.

In a strange parallel to the previous week, we met some real cyclists on the outskirts of Haynes. This time they really were proper cyclists with full size bikes as well as matching lycra kit. (I know we have both, but our ale guts do provide quite a significant distinction). In a fit of bravado John and Chris set off in pursuit, pedalling flat out in a forlorn effort to reel them in. To be fair we managed to hold our own for all of 800 yds. Finally, realising this was a pointless exercise for which we would suffer later, we decided to let them go taking some solace from the fact that the combined ages of the three young upstarts was only about 2/3rds of our two.

At Appsley Corner we picked up a concrete bridleway which skirts Rowney Warren. Although this is usually reserved for our MTB rides, it's got a reasonable surface and did not present any problems to our skinny road tyres. Coming out at Chicksands, we turned left and headed back to Ampthill via Deadman's Cross and Limbersley Lane, enjoying a good boost from the wind on backs.

Despite the draw of the Stone Jug, we decided to head directly to Ampthill to try out the newly refurbised Albion Arms.

Now owned by Everards and operated by Banks & Taylor, the Albion has returned to it's former glory after many years in the doldrums. Real ales are it's speciality with some 10 hand pumps offering a rotating choice of guest beers alongside the staples of Everards Tiger and B&T's own brews. There are also several unusual lagers as well as a range of draft ciders, ranging from strong to rocket fuel.

The term " kids in a sweet shop" sprang to mind, made more appropriate by a preponderance of baggy cycling shorts, and it took about ten minutes to decide what to drink. Between us, we managed a pretty good cross section of the beers on display and nobody had a bad pint. ( I don't think I've ever said that about the Albion before!). One of the favourites was a straw coloured ale call GHB. Somebody pointed out that this sounds like a recently outlawed date-rape drug, but at 3.4% ABV I think you'd have to drink an awful lot before succumbing to Mick's charms.

After a couple of rounds we headed back to the Old Sun which, despite the attractions of the Albion was remarkably busy. As ever, the Bombardier, Adnams and Tribute were all in great nick.

20 miles and an excellent evening.

Fish on a Bike- 8th April 2010

In the words of the late great George Harrison - "It's been a long cold lonely winter" and it was great to ride out in bright sunshine for the start of our first road ride of the year.

It doesn't seem five minutes since we were staggering home from the Old Sun after our Xmas ride. Perhaps that's because I've staggered home form the Old Sun on several other occasions since then or simply that time really does go quicker as we get older. Whatever the reason, the start of the new season seems to have leaped upon us and this may explain why we were a bit low on numbers; Brian, Chris H, Loren and, for the first half, Everton making up the crew.

Like a premier league football club, we have new kit and shirt sponsors for the season (thanks to the guys at the Old Sun). This may be the only similarity we have with elite sportsmen but I have to say we looked very smart as we set out down Oliver Street; Loren looking extra smart on his new bike.

Tradionally, the first ride of the year has been a very short slog up Limbersley Lane, round Haynes and back via Clophill, but the sunshine spurred us on to be more adventurous and we headed out to Dead Man's Cross and Haynes Silver End. Thanks to Everton and a brisk tailwind we kept a decent pace on the way out, even up Great Lane.

In truth, the ride was pretty un-eventful but it was just nice to be out. Coming back towards Haynes we spotted some "real" cyclists in the distance and set off in pursuit. It felt great to reel them in and pass them on the climb up towards Church End, but the shine was taken off our achievement when we realised they were riding foldable bikes! They weren't quite Mini-Moultons, having 24" wheels and the riders were wearing lycra.

Everton left us at the top of Great Lane to go and do some real training with Bedford CC. More in keeping with the ethos of the club, the rest of us headed for the Stone Jug.

It was very tempting to stay for a second pint of Old Cobbler but we decided discretion was the better part of valour and returned to the Old Sun. As expected, the temperature dropped dramatically as soon as the sun went down and it was a chilly ride back to Ampthill; some may have regreted wearing shorts.

The Old Sun was busy and the Bombardier, Adnams and Tribute were all in tip top condition.

I was given a freshly caught trout by one of the regulars which prompted a pub-wide discussion on the best way to gut, clean and cook it. Not surprisingly, there were nearly as many receipes as customers. Against the odds, I did remember to take the fish out of my bag and put it in the fridge when I got home ( I baked it with lemon and tarragon for Friday's tea if anybody's interested).

All in all, a very satisfying start to the season, just about clocking up 20 miles.

New Shirt Gets Airing in Cyprus Sun

While the rest of us have been slogging through mud and rain on the trails of Bedfordshire (or, in the case of many, vegging on the couch), Mark "The Fireman" Barter and his brother Simon have been doing some serious riding in the Cypriot sunshine whilst raising money for a local kidney charity.

In completing a six day, 323 KM ride around the island they've raised a fantastic E2887. Full details of the ride can be seen at http://www.look4usincyprus.com/ARC/ARC-index.html.

While there, the guys bumped into the German MTB team and Mark took the opportunity to model his new Ampthill shirt alongside Sabine Spitz, current world champion and Olympic medalist- (see opposite). No Mick- she won't be joining us next season!

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

So after five or so years of discussion, debate and inaction by the majority, followed by a couple of months of intense activity by our chairman the new shirts have arrived, and very good they are too. Well done Brian for making this happen- Hopefully by the time this reaches the net everybody will have stumped up the brass and will be proud owners of shiny new shirts.

Remarkably, it seems that just about everybody ordered the same size as they had last time. Now, I've been looking at some of the photos of past tours, Christmas meals etc and, unless these newfangled digital cameras distort the pictures, I think it's safe to say there's not a man amongst us (with the possible exception of Blunty) who' physique is not showing more signs of Beer than Bikes.
I'm no expert in these matters but I understand that American fashion houses make clothes bigger to kid their lardy-arsed middle-aged customers that, in the words of the Beautiful South, they're still a "perfect ten" . This makes them feel good and spend more. Fortunately it seems Endura have adopted a similar strategy and there's plenty of growing room in my new shirts- to allow for the odd pie along with the beer and banter next term. If this makes anybody feel so good they do have the urge to spend more, there are a couple of spare shirts available.

Now we just need it to stop raining or snowing for an hour or so so we can get out there and show them off.

Thanks Brian.

The Second Noel

For those who took part in the afternoon's ride, there was just time for a sh*t, shave and shower before dashing out for pre-dinner cocktails- well actually a couple of pints in the Old Sun. We're joined by CP, Blunty, Loren & Clive who is still decidedly jet-lagged. Taxis whisk us off to the Jolly Coopers where we meet Everton for a full house.

Xmas Dinner has been a feature of the club's calendar for some 12 years and has been the scene of some of our most memorable evenings. On one occaision Joe entertained the punters in the White Hart at Maulden with a table top hornpipe while singing "What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor" - the bar man's measured response was that the Drunken Cyclists should shut up, drink up and go home while they still can.

Another year, former member Pete Bach left a lock-in at a pub which shall remain nameless at around 1 am. Returning some30 mins later with a book of poetry, he began to recite sonnets while we fell about laughing. He was serious but I think it was the only time I can remember being paralysed with laughter.

For many years the Xmas dinner was linked to to a full day ride. We would stop for a beer ot two at lunch time and have several more on our return. Consequently, by the time we sat down to dine we were well oiled and by the end of the evening many were "tired and emotional" to say the least- This often led to a full and frank exchange of views about something petty like which pub we should meet at next summer and would end with one or more member spitting their dummy out.

Over the years we have mellowed somewhat. This is largely due to a reduction in alcohol consumption and an increased maturity (ho ho) but may also have something to do with a change in personell - some past members having the ability to pick a fight in a telephone box. Anyway, tonight there is just the right level of banter and disagreement to make things interesting- even if most of the topics of conversation are predictable-

• Let's go on tour to Belgium/France/Holland next year
• Brian resigning as Chairman (and then being re-instated)
• Who made all the noise when we went on tour to Norwich (12 years ago)
• Who were the original members
• Which pub will we meet at? (still)
• When will we get new shirts?

Next year we'll need to find at least two new topics as Brian has done a splendid job in organising new shirts and, as they are smothered with the Old Sun logo, it's pretty clear where we will be meeting.

Food, beer and service at the Jolly's were all top notch and it was nice to see that the 1980's style Page Three pin-ups in the gents have been replaced by more classy, up-to-date prints. (It took a while to work out why Mick spent so long in the lav).

Talking of Mick, it was good to see him awarded the pink Barby cycle helmet for being an outstanding arse- To be fair he took it well and wore it for the rest of the evening.

After coffee and mince pies it was back to the Old Sun where we bumped into our erstwhile Chairman and had the opportunity to rehearse some of the arguments of yesteryear.

A good end to a great year's bikes beer and banter.

The First Noel- December 12th

Hard to believe that it's neally three months since the end of season tour, but here we are on our pre-Xmas Dinner ride.

The weather may have been in flux since the tour - an Indian summer giving way to a soggy autumn and foggy winter- but some things never change. It's almost three months to the day since we waited outside the Old Sun for Mick to fettle his bike (with a twig!) before setting off for Market Harborough. Now we wait in the self same spot while he changes a tyre that has been flat since the end of that ride. There's nothing like being prepared....

Plus Ca Change

Fortunately we don't get too cold as there's been a marked improvement in the weather- the fog that's been around for much of the week giving way to sunny spells and blue skies.


We finally get on the way, headed for Deadman's Cross, via Water End, Clophill and Apley Corner. There are six of us- Brian, Richard, Joe, Chris H, John & Mick; Clive having cried off suffering from jet lag- an Ampthill CC first, I think.


None of us has ridden much in recent weeks and the pace is steady rather than brisk. This is in keeping with the spirit of the traditional Xmas ride. It's very much a token gesture to off-set some of the excesses of the evening's drinking and eating.

Just as we're getting into a rhythm John pulls up with the second puncture of the day. He's fast becoming the Puncture King having had no fewer than four flats on his last MTB ride.

The tyre's soon changed and we set off again- hitting what seems like rush-hour in Clophill High Street.

The climb up Great Lane is harder than usual and we are well strung out by the time we reach the old school in Haynes. We stop to re-group before heading for Apley End where we pick up the concrete bridleway out to Chicksands. Here we encounter a dozen or so portly gentlemen who have spent the day terrorising the local pheasant population- Amazingly they must be the only guns in Bedfordshire that Joe doesn't know.
Cutting back through Haynes Silver End we met a couple of 10-year-olds on MTB's. Fascinated by a bunch of old gits riding bikes they heclked us as we past. They were obviously reminded of the Worzels (Joe's beard, perhaps?) and gave us a chorus of Oi've Gotta Brand New Combine Harvester.

It's starting to cool down and the sun is low in the sky as we get to Deadman's Cross, so we decide to abandon our original plans of heading to Southill via Ireland and head back to the Stone Jug. Only when we get inside do we realise just how cold it has become. The welcome is just as warm as the pub itself and it's hard to pull ourselves away. Not for the first time this year, we have an extra pint before heading out into the dark.

Badger Hill seems to have got steeper over the past few weeks and we are secretly glad of the excuse to stop at temporary traffic lights halfway up. Then there's a charge back to Ampthill in time for "The Three S's" before heading out for the evenings festivities. Just as we enter town Joe takes the opportunity to wave to members of his fan club and manages a somersault over the handlebars for their entertainment. There's no damage to bike or biker and we head of home to prepare for the evening's festivities.


An excellent way to spend a winter's afternoon whilst managing to clock up a steady 20 miles.

And Then There Were Three

Having not managed anything more than a token 10 mile ride around the soon-to-be-Centre Park site for nearly a month, I fully expected Sunday's ride to hurt. Combine this with a weather forecast that threatened strong northerly winds & heavy showers and a distinctly delicate head (the latter resulting from the need to anaesthetise myself against the pain of seeing Wolves ravaged by the Gooners) and you'll understand why I was hoping my fellow riders would phone to say they'd cocked up their diaries and couldn't make it after all.

There was no such call, so I had no option than to drag myself out of the pit and prepare for my first ride since the clocks went back. Remembering to avoid the Sunday AM repeat of MoTD ( surely such horrors should not be shown before the 9 pm watershed) as I made porridge and hunted my waterproof top, I staggered out to the garage in the drizzle . By the time I'd checked tyres, oiled chain and adjusted saddle the rain had stopped and I set off on the lung bursting climb up Ampthill Hill in not unpleasant conditions.

Brian & Richard were already waiting in the Market Square- all other potential riders having found excuses. After a surreal discussion about curtain rails and curtain hooks, we decided to head for Eversholt via Flitwick, Steppingley and Water End.

This is not the most obvious route but it was designed to take in one of the best bits of single-track in the area. Secluded in the woods next to the M1, it offers 1/2 a mile of fast switchbacks- made extra interesting this time of year by the blanket of leaves covering the trail. (Come to think of it, there are few times in the year when you can see the track- as it's shrouded variously in bluebells, bracken and brambles.

It was worth the grind through the mud (and smack in the face from a rogue branch) to get to the start as the single-track itself was in perfect nick. In fact, it was so good we decided to ride back up it. This proved almost as interesting as the downhill version albeit somewhat slower.

After a short stretch on the road, we picked up the bridleway at Waterend and headed out to Eversholt via the stream. We've obviously had more rain than we realised and there were a few wobbles as we entered the water.

By now all mist and drizzle had disappeared and the sun was doing it's best to show through. Conditions were pretty well perfect as we picked up the farm track out towards Tingrith. Cutting through the woods behind Steppingley, we fetched up on the newly surfaced Peaks End, the location of one of the weirdest encounters of the summer.

Returning from a similar ride, Brian, John and Richard came across an up-turned car in the middle of the track. A middle aged woman was suspended upside down in the driver's seat; there were no signs of any other vehicle or animal and no obvious cause of the accident. Fortunately the woman was just shaken. Playing the Good Samaritans, the guys helped her out of the car, phoned the emergency services and made contact with her son. The son was first to arrive and proved himself to be a total git.
After a brief rant at his mother for being so stupid, he turned his attention to Richard and John. Without bothering to ask what had happened, he'd decided that , as they were cyclists, they must have been responsible for the accident and launched a torrent of abuse! Taken aback by the reaction, they were too stunned to put him right and decided to head for home.

Any way, no such incident today and we headed back past the pumping station, down to Windmill Road and back via the Causeway & Manor Lane. Some how we'd managed to clock nearly 20 miles by the time we got home. The head was clear and the legs only ached a bit- well worth the effort, even of the bike does need a clean.